Sunday...

Well...today was quite a day. When I say I look forward to Sundays, I mean I look forward to Sundays BUT I never know when Sunday is going to throw me for a loop. Warning: Proceed with caution! This was more to myself than to you, but then again maybe it should have been to you! :)

Living with a teenager who has Autism can be a very rewarding experience. It also can be a very hard experience, a very sad experience and is always a very demanding experience. How do you handle a 14 year old with the intellect of a 20 year old but the emotions of a 3 year old? Of course all of the ages except the 14 are subject to change at any time. Sometimes the simplest tasks become too much for his mind to handle. Sometimes those simple tasks are completed with ease. The hardest part of parenting this type of child is you never know which child is going to show up...the compliant capable child or the (hmmmmmmmm...searching for words here) child mentally not capable of doing anything. Today we had the latter...today lit my fuse, which I can tell you isn't pretty. Today I was ready to give up, bury my head in the sand...but thankfully I didn't.

I dropped A off for Sunday School and came back home with B. After locking myself away in my bathroom with the radio on, I prayed...I cried out to God. My heart was broken, my spirit felt crushed, I could not continue. For those of you that know me, this isn't me. God has blessed me with strength to handle these situations, but today I don't know if the attack was more intense or if I was in my flesh, but today I couldn't handle the situation. I was about to give up and stay home from church, but God impressed on me that if I can't be transparent with my church family as I have been adamant that others do, then I can "talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk." So, I took B to church...did I want to be there? Not really, it is honestly easier to hide. Am I glad I went? Yes, I am so glad I went. I cried throughout most of the service, but my sisters were by my side. They held me up when I couldn't stand on my own. They led me to God's feet...they verbalized the words that I couldn't even begin to speak. I cannot express how grateful I am for my friends, my true sisters.

If you know a mom of a special needs child, will you hug her for me? Will you help her stand when she feels like the world is crumbling around her? Will you lead her to God's presence and pray for her in a way she isn't willing to pray for herself? She will never forget it...she needs this from time to time...we may be strong as steel inside and out, but we all have our breaking points. Once we are propped up, we become strong again and can handle what life throws our way!

My dear sweet husband held my hand throughout today. What a helpless feeling for him that he can't make it better...he wants to, oh how he wants to. If I didn't have my God and my husband, I don't know that I could do this journey some days.

OK, so my positives for today:

1. I have a God who loves me and will never leave me!
2. I have a husband who loves God and me!
3. I will make it through today and be stronger for it!!

Blessings!
M